


history has its eyes on you

by wekeepeachotherhuman



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunken Confessions, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 22:44:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5603689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wekeepeachotherhuman/pseuds/wekeepeachotherhuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn struggles with the idea of the Resistance thinking of him as something larger than he is, while Poe unapologetically thinks Finn is even more than what people give him credit for. Finn included.</p>
            </blockquote>





	history has its eyes on you

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come find me at tumblr [here!!!](http://www.brandanoquits.tumblr.com)

It’s once he’s out of the medical bay that Finn notices the way that people watch him. For the first little while, he just sorta assumes that they’re all looking at Poe, the greatest pilot in the Resistance and the fighter who fired the shot that destroyed the Starkiller.

But then Poe had told him: “Keep your eyes up.” He gave Finn a little, reassuring nudge. And when Finn turned to look at him, a little taken back by the realization that, to this huge amount of people, he was more than just a number, Poe’s looking up at him, a crooked smile on his face. “They’re proud to know you. Don’t let it embarrass you.”

That takes the breath right out of his lungs and Poe knows it too, ‘cause he laughs at the candid, humble reaction, and he reaches out, puts his hand on Finn’s shoulder and squeezes it. “Yeah, I guess you’ve been in that med bay longer than I realized.”

Finn finally finds his voice and, uncertainly, asks: “What do you mean, they’re proud?”

Poe stops, suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving Finn to take a step or two further before he realizes that he should stop too. He turns, steps closer to Poe, keeping the distance between them small. He’s still unsure of where he fits on this base, outside of the First Order and Poe’s the one person he’s got left that makes him feel like he belongs.

Rey’s gone, Finn’s not sure for how long. One of his nurses had told him that she’d gone to find Luke Skywalker, using the map that she and Finn had worked so hard to get back to the Resistance. General Organa had come to see him too, in the med bay, a little later in his recovery, when he wasn’t riddled with medication and probably blathering about things he had no business saying. (Poe had been in to visit him a lot, then, and if he’d said anything embarrassing, Poe clearly hadn’t held it against him.) She told him the same thing: Rey had gone to find Luke and she added that she did not overlook Finn’s contribution to this success. She was grateful for his service and sacrifice. There was much the Resistance owed him.

Obviously, it had been something to hear. Princess Leia Organa had been a hero in the Galactic Civil War. Finn had been trained to think of her as a terrorist, but that had never sat very well with him. The same had gone for Han and Luke himself. They were heroes, and somehow, she thought that maybe, Finn could be one too. That hadn’t been lost on Finn, no sir, but it didn’t bring Rey back. It didn’t make him feel surer of himself. Rey had become one of the most important people in his life and as significant as he knew her mission was, he wanted her here, or perhaps to be there with her. All he wanted was for them to be together.

“Finn…” That’s Poe, and Jesus, Finn had forgot that he’s even a part of a conversation. “Finn, do you hear me?” He speaks with so much sincerity that it pulls Finn right back in. There’s something sad in Poe’s eyes. “It’s true and I hope you learn to believe it someday.” And Finn knows he’s missed something important. So important that he can’t make Poe say it again, can’t admit that for some terrible reason, he wasn’t even fuckin’ listening.

“I do,” Finn stammers. Lies, really. “Believe it, I mean.” “Good.” Poe takes a deep breath and nods, content with himself, like he’s finally done something he’s meant to do for a long time. Then he looks up at Finn and smiles, signalling that the serious part of their conversation is over, they’re starting over. “Let’s get you some food.”

Poe starts walking, before Finn realizes that he should too, and again, he feels a little out of stride.

–

There are already a few empty pint glasses on the table in front of them, when another fresh three get set down in front of them. Poe, looking a little tired, waves at the waiter as he walks away.

“We didn’t order these,” he objects.

“That’s because I did, Dameron.”

Poe looks beyond the waiter and then smiles, perking up almost immediately. “Jess,” he says and then, as if he suddenly remembers his manners, he wiggles in the booth, making some more room. She takes the space quickly, wrapping one arm around Poe’s shoulder, and then she look at Finn, remembering that she and Poe aren’t alone.

“Oh,” Poe stammers. “Finn, this is Jessika, she’s a pilot too.” Jess extends her hand to Finn, smiling brightly. “Jessika, Finn,” Poe adds, though it’s more of an afterthought.

“As if you had to introduce him to me,” she says with a laugh. Then she leans closer to Finn. “He talked enough about you–”

“ _Jess_ ,” Poe intones. Finn glances at him, sees that his jaw is a little set and his cheeks looks a little redder than they had, but Finn’ll put that up to the drinks he’s had.

“What?” Jess asks. “I’m just saying.”

“You don’t have to,” Poe mumbles before he reaches out for his glass and tries to hide himself behind it.

Jess rolls her eyes and then turns her attention back to Finn. “How are you feeling?” Then her eyes light up. “Did they give you any of that gelatin stuff to eat?” she asks. “I’ve been in there a few times, I love the stuff.”

“You’re the only one in the galaxy,” Poe grumbles.

“They did,” Finn supplies with a nod. He doesn’t like talking much about how he’s feeling so he bypasses that question. He doesn’t like talking about how anxious he’s been since getting back to the rebel base, he doesn’t like talking about how sometimes he feels lonely enough that he can’t fucking breathe.

“What you did was very brave,” she says and that gives Finn pause. In his periphery vision, he sees Poe stiffen. He’s watching over Finn, carefully, waiting for a moment where he might have to step in and cut the conversation off where it stands.

“Thank you,” Finn says, because it seems like the right thing to say.

“I tried telling him that,” Poe starts. When Finn looks at him, he sees that Poe’s looking right into his eyes. That smart of sadness is back. “He said he believed me, but…” He trails off, shrugging.

So that’s what Poe had been saying earlier. People were proud to know Finn because he’d been brave. Poe was proud to know Finn because he’d been brave and somehow, that small fact seemed to matter more to Finn than any sort of illusion of grandeur and heroism from the rest of the base.

“I wasn’t lying,” Finn says and he doesn’t want it to be a lie, but it feels like one.

He isn’t brave, at the very least, bravery certainly isn’t some sort of defining character trait of his. But, by the looks of it, Poe believes it enough for the both of them, and that’s something. And he sure as hell doesn’t want to see Poe disappointed. The way he looks right now, not knowing whether Finn is taking what he’s said to heart, Finn doesn’t want to ever see him look that way again. So he adds: “I wasn’t.”

Poe nods, then his eyes dart downward as he takes a long drink. He uses the back of his hand to wipe at his lips and then he does what he’s so good at: he smiles and the vibe of the room changes. He smiles, deciding then and there and they’re going to start over, they’re going to live momentarily in a world that’s consistently pleasant and maybe, with one another, it could be.

\--

Poe had probably been right to object to the waiter about the new drinks arriving at their table. By the time he finishes Jessika’s “gift”, he’s nearly sloshed and just tired enough to not really give a fuck. He’s got his arm around Finn’s shoulders as they head back towards Poe’s dormitory and he’s smiling contentedly as he tells Finn about what it had been like to grow up on Yavin 4. Things had been so different for him. So… _normal_. Well, as normal as being the son of two active rebels would allow it to be. He’d had a family, birthdays, schooling whose primary focus wasn’t war. He’d become a pilot, idolizing his mother, simply because he’d wanted to be one. He hadn’t been forced into anything, hadn’t had to swallow and bury ideals and desires just to keep safe.

Finn doesn’t know what he’d have become if he’d had the choice growing up. Poe’s destiny had been written in the stars, with a mother like Shara Bey; based on the stories Finn’s now heard about her, it’s no surprise that Poe’s one of the best that the Resistance has got. The Damerons have always been the best of the best.

Inside Poe’s room, both he and Finn spill onto the bed, backs up against the wall and still-shoed feet hanging off the side. They’re close, shoulders pressed up against one another. Poe’s hands are in his lap, fidgeting.

“Rey makes me think of her,” he says and he means his mother.

Finn’s stomach drops at the mention of Rey’s name. Then his eyes are downcast, his hands out in front of him, mirroring Poe, fidgeting amidst the intimacy this conversation will inevitably ask of them.

“Strong,” Poe continues. “Compassionate.” He nods minutely, and then Finn sees his jaw set, as though he’d prepping himself to say or do something. He turns to Finn and smiles meekly. “I can see why you like her.” When Finn doesn’t respond, doesn’t know how, really, Poe looks back down at his hand and then he chuckles ruefully, maybe at himself, before he wiggles up towards his pillows, blearily and clumsily. “I should go to bed.”

Finn nods and starts to move. “Yeah,” he says.

Poe’s pulling at his blankets, getting ready to climb under them, then he stops and looks over his shoulder at Finn. “Are you okay to get back to your room?” Finn opens his mouth to tell him, yeah, of course, but then Poe’s talking again, rambling, stammering. “You could stay here if that’s any easier.” His cheeks go red. “Not _here_.” He gestures vaguely at his own bed, then his eyes go a bit wide and he swallows hard, the question _what the hell are you saying?_ clearly flickering behind his eyes. “Just in my room. I have a couch. Blankets. I don’t know.” Finn smiles. “Whatever.”

“I’m okay,” Finn says.

Poe just nods and buries his face into his pillow, pulling his blankets up and over his shoulders. “Can you turn the light off on the way out?” His voice sounds soft, maybe a little apologetic.

Finn, now standing, nods and smiles down at his fondly. “Yeah.”

Finn leaves, and as he gets closer to his own dormitory, he smiles, picturing what Poe might have done after he’d left: groaning embarrassedly, chastising himself and vowing to forever just keep his mouth shut, and for some reason, the image sticks with Finn, endears him. Makes him happy.

\--

Poe’s down for breakfast before Finn is, looking a lot better than Finn had thought he might. Finn sits down opposite him, getting a soft greeting from the pilot. They eat quietly, neither of them, but particularly Poe, much of a morning person.

“You’re a good man, Finn,” Poe says once he downs his last dreg of coffee, and Finn’ll never get tired of hearing him say it. But he raises his eyebrows, not really knowing where it’s coming from this time. “For not bringing up anything I said last night.”

Finn thinks back to that image of Poe he’d had in his head last night and fights to keep himself from smiling. Poe’s serious and Finn doesn’t want him to think he might be making fun of him. He shrugs, as though it means nothing, because it doesn’t.

“I assumed I said some things when I was in the med bay.” He smiles and Poe smiles back and that answers that: Finn had definitely said some regrettable things in the fog of medication. “I was just returning the favour.”

Poe laughs and shakes his head. “What a pair we are, eh, buddy?”

Finn laughs too and he’s just glad to be a part of it.


End file.
